Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
