Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
