what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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