I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
