What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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