I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
