If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
