wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
