He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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