I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
