FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think people are normalizing furries
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
