I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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