i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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