i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
