'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
