My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
