i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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