Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
