She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
