Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize