it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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