Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
