Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
