I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
