if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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