If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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