nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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