Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
