are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
