Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
