I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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