her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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