I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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