Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
