The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
