so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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