discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
