doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
