peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize