mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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