i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
