I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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