somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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