o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
