She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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