does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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