You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
