She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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