Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
