I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
