yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
