From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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