i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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