They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize