That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
