he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
