I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
