Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
