She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
