At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
