your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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