So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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