I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
