she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
