If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
