also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
