I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize