The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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