bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
