I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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