I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
