This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
