you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
