Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
