Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
