I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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