Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
