Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
