You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
