That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
