oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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