remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
