Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize