Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
