After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
