are you still at the devil's house?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
