You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
