I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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