i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
