I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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