Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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