a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
