youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
where am i from again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
