I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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