I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
