We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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