i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
