there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
