I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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