On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
