I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize