hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you never un-have a 4some
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
