I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
