Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
