It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
