So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize