tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
