I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just forgot I was standing up.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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