a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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