are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
